oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
