i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
