I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Randomize
