he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
