just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
