hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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