dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
