You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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