He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
