Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
