Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
