How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
