yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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