when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
