I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
