i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
