Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
