If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He passed out mid-signature
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You dont lie about slip and slides
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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