Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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