Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
