I feel like abortions should bother me more
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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