don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
