last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
