i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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