When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
