I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
