You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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