I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
