honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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