the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
