the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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