I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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