the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
