he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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