I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
