I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
