I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
