if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
