You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Did I show you my penis last night?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
