I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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