Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
