thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
