Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
