so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
