All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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