hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
