my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
