So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
