you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
