When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
