my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
