i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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