To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
