My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
