dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
