remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
