if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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