You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
