After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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