Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I need moral support for this bender
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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