Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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